I officially despise the majority of the male race. I despise them with every inch of my soul. They are so confusing, and have fucked my brain up to the point of no return. It seems like every single guy I have ever dated has tried to screw me over or hurt me in some way at some time. Now, my latest ex boyfriend has basically told me that we wasted two months on each other for nothing. He despises me, and I despise him. I suppose we're even. But why am I surprised?
*changing names to protect the guilty*
Almost every single guy I have dated has completely screwed me over or used me in some form or fashioned.
James: This was my first boyfriend. Oh, was he a trip. Not only did he cheat on me a numerous amount of times, but he was a total man whore.
Jacob: This is the guy I went out with for a brief amount of time, who grew a likening to ditching me every time we did something together. Whether it was parties, dances, or just walking around the neighborhood, he always would leave at least an hour early – leaving me behind.
Brian: We dated for three months - completely infatuated with each other - or so I thought. He left me the day after my grandmother died and then screwed - and I mean the term literally - my best friend. Then after he dated her for a while, he dated my OTHER best friend. Both of which had told me that they liked him and were going for him the SECOND after we broke up. Is it just me, or did I get SCREWED OVER?
There are many many many other examples of this. Out of the 5 or 6 guys I have dated, it seems like all of them have done something to me. To make matters worse – the guy I am currently with, John [ you’ll hear this name often ] is possibly the most amazing guy EVER! We have been off and on now for about a year’s time, and always seem to find our way back to each other. Through out majority of the guys I’ve dated, I have always ended back up with John at some point. But…for some reason…I cannot break the wall that I keep between us. I usually blame it on me getting hurt so many times. Due to those circumstances I have created barriers that keep guys away from certain parts of me, whether that be physically or emotionally.
But…the worst one… the one that affects this relationship most, is me admitting to loving someone. It seems like every time I make it past that barrier – I end up hurt. To the point that even if I truly know that I love them… I can’t make myself say it aloud to them. Hence – me admitting my undying love for them. It gets pretty annoying when I subconsciously will not say it. I’ll say it in my head, but I can’t get it past my lips.
I don’t know…I have allot of things to get past before I truly give myself to him. I know I want to. My dream is to one day go down the isle with this guy…but if I cant get past these barriers of mine…that day might never come.
*changing names to protect the guilty*
Almost every single guy I have dated has completely screwed me over or used me in some form or fashioned.
James: This was my first boyfriend. Oh, was he a trip. Not only did he cheat on me a numerous amount of times, but he was a total man whore.
Jacob: This is the guy I went out with for a brief amount of time, who grew a likening to ditching me every time we did something together. Whether it was parties, dances, or just walking around the neighborhood, he always would leave at least an hour early – leaving me behind.
Brian: We dated for three months - completely infatuated with each other - or so I thought. He left me the day after my grandmother died and then screwed - and I mean the term literally - my best friend. Then after he dated her for a while, he dated my OTHER best friend. Both of which had told me that they liked him and were going for him the SECOND after we broke up. Is it just me, or did I get SCREWED OVER?
There are many many many other examples of this. Out of the 5 or 6 guys I have dated, it seems like all of them have done something to me. To make matters worse – the guy I am currently with, John [ you’ll hear this name often ] is possibly the most amazing guy EVER! We have been off and on now for about a year’s time, and always seem to find our way back to each other. Through out majority of the guys I’ve dated, I have always ended back up with John at some point. But…for some reason…I cannot break the wall that I keep between us. I usually blame it on me getting hurt so many times. Due to those circumstances I have created barriers that keep guys away from certain parts of me, whether that be physically or emotionally.
But…the worst one… the one that affects this relationship most, is me admitting to loving someone. It seems like every time I make it past that barrier – I end up hurt. To the point that even if I truly know that I love them… I can’t make myself say it aloud to them. Hence – me admitting my undying love for them. It gets pretty annoying when I subconsciously will not say it. I’ll say it in my head, but I can’t get it past my lips.
I don’t know…I have allot of things to get past before I truly give myself to him. I know I want to. My dream is to one day go down the isle with this guy…but if I cant get past these barriers of mine…that day might never come.
1 comment:
Just for my own Verification do I fall under the category of those 5 out of 6 guys who screwed you over or used you, becasue I think I gave it one hell of a shot at making you happy just curious.
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