As you can tell from the title, my day has been so so...
I woke up this morning, and went to church with the folks, nothing bad, it was okay. Then we went to Wal-Mart and I blew some money on some stuff I had been putting off buying for a while. Stilll...okay. Then we get home. My mother has a cow because my dad isnt helping her with the cooking. Then my Dad decides to open his fat mouth and piss her off more. They argue. I'm, as usiual, stuck in the middle of it, and go into my room - wanting nothing to do with either of them, before one pulls me to their side before I can refuse.
So, I go into my room, and start cleaning it up. This is typically what I do when I am trying to get somthing off of my mind, or ignore somthing/someone. I get finnished cleaning my room, and find nothing else that I want to do. So instead of listening to my mother slam the cabnets in the kitchen in fury, I call my boyfriend. We hadnt really talked in a little bit, because he wasnt fdeeling too hott last night, and the night before that we got into a semi argument. So, I thought maybe he would have somthing uplifting to say, and maybe shine some light on the situation as he typically does. We talk for about 3 min.'s. I continue to make random comments, and when I figue out that he isnt going to reply, we sit in silence as I play with the buttons on my remote, ignoreing all of the bad vibes going through my house. I wanted to bawl, but Im starting to get better at stopping it.
Ever since I had my little mental breakdown my Freshmen year, I have been really insanely touchy about allot of things, and would cry easily. My only rule was dont cry infront of people you dont trust to help you out. So I would hold it in untill I could hide in the school bathroom, or into my room to bawl like a two year old who just fell off their bike.
Soooo...anyways...we sit in silence as I keep myself from crying due to my copnstant dwelling on the idea of me and John ending up like that, when he decides to just blow me off. Granted...he probley didnt blow me off...just got sick of the silence, and probley had somthing better & more important to do seeing as hes at his dads...but...the light I was looking for wasnt their, and Im really not the type to beg for help. So...that kinda pulled me down a little more. So I dwell for about 30 minutes till it calms down in the living room, then I go to my computer and fiddle around for a bit.
My Dad then decides to have me go driving for a couple minutes, so we do. and I almost hit a freaking car turning onto another road...yeah...I wasnt feeling too hott...lol! I did okay comming home though. Which brough me more at ease with myself knowing I could do somthing right...even though they decided not to tell me so.
I then fiddle around some more at home, make me a smothie, and called a couple people to figure out who was going to show up at my party this weekend [ its my 17th birthday on sunday ^_^ ] and I get blown off by a couple friends of mine, but it doesnt effect me much. and now im here...typing out this blog to blow time. O well... I supose I shall write to ya all latta. Im gonna go write somthing...I feel like writting....
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Fansubbs & You!
Hello Everybody!
This is somthing I wrote for my website - and I thought I would also post it on my myspace as well. It might be intresting to hear the reactions I get to it. Please- feel free to comment, or check out my new forum page on my website :
www.freewebs.com/jveach400
^ so not a promo....lol ^_^
~ Jess
Fansub's & YOU!
Oh the fansubs ^_^ Don't we all just love them? But ~ why do we love them?
Lets face it, they are free, mass produced, some of decent quality, and did I mention free? Until recently, I was with the majority of you who believed that funsubbing was not a horrible act of treachery against the anime industry in both Japan and in America. They were free and mass produced through many sites such as Veoh and YouTube. Eh, it's free advertising right? What's the big deal? Well, with the help of the most wonderful Greg Ayres [ voice actor commonly heard in ADV anime productions ] I have now learned that this is most DEFINATLY not the case.
Fansubs are one of the largest of problems amongst the anime industry today. Companies are not only losing money - but in some cases going completely out of business; such as our recent loss of Geneon.
According to Anime News Network, "Other companies, both Japanese and North American, have much less tolerance for fansubs. Some Japanese companies have asked fansubbers to not translate their properties, while representatives of some American companies have publicly stated that they do not appreciate the efforts of fansubbers."
I personally have attended panel's during the Paducah Kentucky OMG! Con where Greg Ayres made a most amazing argument against fansubbers; stating that fansubbers are practically ruining the industry by making anime free so that people don't typically buy the anime anymore. They simply get on their computers, and watch the whole series online. If you are not already aware, most popular anime, and even some of the more un-commonly known anime can be found, in its full form - online, translated by armature anime translators.
Some may argue that fansubs are not that awful. They simply provide the shows we love to people who either cannot afford to buy the DVD's, or simply want a preview of an anime before investing in it. This is, in my opinion - absurd. Anime is at its cheapest right now in America. If somebody really wants to see an anime that bad, they can check out the anime's legal producers site for previews, and look up discount stores online to buy there anime from. It is more expensive to buy anime in Japan then it is here in the States. Believe it or not, anime isn't near as available in Japan as it is in America.
The bottom line you ask? Fansubs are pulling the anime industry to an increasing halt. More and more companies are falling closer and closer to bankruptcy due to the recent demand for fansubs - as to the DVDs. Some may also argue the point of Sub vs. Dub. But, to be quite frank, all I have to say on that subject is - who are you going to trust more? A professional who has been translating for years, or a fansubber who is using a program 10 million years old, who doesn't have a very broad look at the Japanese language itself?
I propose that more anime consumers support there favorite anime by buying them in there legal form if they plan on having more anime in the future. If this pattern stays constant : we may not have much longer to enjoy the anime we have today. Companies will fall, and anime writers will loose their jobs due to the decreasing demand for DVD's. The same applies for manga. Scanlations are also becoming more and more popular in the sates, and will soon follow the pattern on anime if they aren't already doing so.
But – the choice to stop this pattern is up to the viewers – such as yourself. We must stop illegal fansubs – in all of their various forms. I do hope that my little rant has turned a couple heads towards the right direction. Please feel free to drop me a line – whether against or for my cause – I look forward to hearing your comments.
This is somthing I wrote for my website - and I thought I would also post it on my myspace as well. It might be intresting to hear the reactions I get to it. Please- feel free to comment, or check out my new forum page on my website :
www.freewebs.com/jveach400
^ so not a promo....lol ^_^
~ Jess
Fansub's & YOU!
Oh the fansubs ^_^ Don't we all just love them? But ~ why do we love them?
Lets face it, they are free, mass produced, some of decent quality, and did I mention free? Until recently, I was with the majority of you who believed that funsubbing was not a horrible act of treachery against the anime industry in both Japan and in America. They were free and mass produced through many sites such as Veoh and YouTube. Eh, it's free advertising right? What's the big deal? Well, with the help of the most wonderful Greg Ayres [ voice actor commonly heard in ADV anime productions ] I have now learned that this is most DEFINATLY not the case.
Fansubs are one of the largest of problems amongst the anime industry today. Companies are not only losing money - but in some cases going completely out of business; such as our recent loss of Geneon.
According to Anime News Network, "Other companies, both Japanese and North American, have much less tolerance for fansubs. Some Japanese companies have asked fansubbers to not translate their properties, while representatives of some American companies have publicly stated that they do not appreciate the efforts of fansubbers."
I personally have attended panel's during the Paducah Kentucky OMG! Con where Greg Ayres made a most amazing argument against fansubbers; stating that fansubbers are practically ruining the industry by making anime free so that people don't typically buy the anime anymore. They simply get on their computers, and watch the whole series online. If you are not already aware, most popular anime, and even some of the more un-commonly known anime can be found, in its full form - online, translated by armature anime translators.
Some may argue that fansubs are not that awful. They simply provide the shows we love to people who either cannot afford to buy the DVD's, or simply want a preview of an anime before investing in it. This is, in my opinion - absurd. Anime is at its cheapest right now in America. If somebody really wants to see an anime that bad, they can check out the anime's legal producers site for previews, and look up discount stores online to buy there anime from. It is more expensive to buy anime in Japan then it is here in the States. Believe it or not, anime isn't near as available in Japan as it is in America.
The bottom line you ask? Fansubs are pulling the anime industry to an increasing halt. More and more companies are falling closer and closer to bankruptcy due to the recent demand for fansubs - as to the DVDs. Some may also argue the point of Sub vs. Dub. But, to be quite frank, all I have to say on that subject is - who are you going to trust more? A professional who has been translating for years, or a fansubber who is using a program 10 million years old, who doesn't have a very broad look at the Japanese language itself?
I propose that more anime consumers support there favorite anime by buying them in there legal form if they plan on having more anime in the future. If this pattern stays constant : we may not have much longer to enjoy the anime we have today. Companies will fall, and anime writers will loose their jobs due to the decreasing demand for DVD's. The same applies for manga. Scanlations are also becoming more and more popular in the sates, and will soon follow the pattern on anime if they aren't already doing so.
But – the choice to stop this pattern is up to the viewers – such as yourself. We must stop illegal fansubs – in all of their various forms. I do hope that my little rant has turned a couple heads towards the right direction. Please feel free to drop me a line – whether against or for my cause – I look forward to hearing your comments.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Due to a recent comment...
...I thought I would write to you about this, and also get some things off my chest before I explode. This is a touchy subject for me because there are many different view points it could take. None of which end pretty. I wrote a blog a while back about guys screwing me over, and an ex of mine named Nathan commented on it asking if he fell under the category of guys who had fucked me over at one point in the relationship. Well...I thought about it...and it has been bugging me all day. Did he really screw me over? Or was he doing just what he thought was best at the time? I will tell everybody right now, right off the bat that mine and Nathan relationship was everything but completely perfect. We had many things occur during the 5 or 6 months we were dating. One of which, I counted as him hurting me beyond belief. and now, I’m not so sure if he really meant it like it came out. Heres what happened....
I left him because I didnt feel comfortable being with him anymore because it got to the point that I would look at him, and still think of my then ex John. He was all I could really ever think about. Yeah, when me and Nathan were alone, it was Nathan taking over my heart, but when I went home that night....it would be John taking over my dreams. I was obsessed with this belief of John never coming back, and Nathan was all I had. but the more I thought about it, the worse it got....the more I would dwell on the subject of my first true love. John on the other hand at the time I believe could of given a fuck less about me. I would try to talk to him and he would blow me off. Ever since I left him for Nathan, he started acting different, and doing things that I didnt personally approve of. but I finally talked myself into thinking that if he ever wished to talk to me, he would. and he had his new girlfriend to take care of him. but that didnt change the fact that I loved him. So, I decided that if I was going to get anywhere in life, I needed to get rid of the access drama...and Nathan was apart of that drama. I felt as though, in some way, I was cheating on him...and I couldn’t take the slight betrayal of it all on my part. So...I left him...
Nathan didnt take it too soundly, and got REALLY pissed. He soon after sent me a long 5 or 6 paragraph letter explaining to me how a horrible black hearted traitor I was, and how he didnt understand how he devoted thoughs few months on my ass. That I was basically a worthless bitch. I read that damn letter about 2000 times in the hopes of what I was reading was a hoax. There was no way that he thought that stuff about me. I cant tell you how many tears I wasted on that letter. I finally latter cooked up the courage to reply to him, and we didnt talk for months. I didnt do a god damn thing to him that wasnt in his best interest - he on the other hand decided to treat me like crap in the end, and everything I did for him automatically meant absolutely nothing. Does that qualify as being screwed over to you? Or was it just what I deserved.
There are many many many things that I ended up not liking about Nathan, but Im sure if I were to mention these things they would open scars, and me and this person would end up in one of our fights, one of the things I disliked about our relationship. We fought about EVERYTHING....but... Nathan wasn’t all bad. Most of my friends, my current boyfriend especially, think different....but I think I saw a side of Nathan that nobody else was able to touch. I truly did love this guy, and in some deep dark realm of my soul I still care for him. Because, when ever I hear that something is wrong with him, or if anything happened to him, I get right on it. I act as his protector. Whether I should or not, I still dont know, but I do. He has a side that I dont think many people really get the chance to see. I know him so well, it even scares him. I was always the one to feed him advice, and help him when he needed me. I was and am the one who will tell it to him as bluntly as I know how, because tough love is my typically my thing. I give it to you flat and un sugar coated. If you ask, ill tell. Im not the type to want to change a guy. I believe you date a guy for the guy - not the guy you are planning on turning them into being. but thats just me... Nathan on the other hand, would spot things about me that he just hated, and would bitch to me about them, resulting in many of our wonderful arguments. I was always doing SOMETHING he didn’t like at at least one point within the week.
The fact of the matter is, I ended up being more a guardian angel to Nathan, rather then a girlfriend. All of the words he spoke to me that were against me, I learned to look past. Yes....I loved him....but it just wasn’t working. Every time we tried...it didnt work. I do believe we both got something out of the deal, both good and bad. Which is why im not sure if he truly falls under the category of "screwed me over guys"...because in the end, he was just doing what he thought was true at the time....I might just be making excuses for him, i dano... what do ya all think? because the more I think about it, the less I know....
I left him because I didnt feel comfortable being with him anymore because it got to the point that I would look at him, and still think of my then ex John. He was all I could really ever think about. Yeah, when me and Nathan were alone, it was Nathan taking over my heart, but when I went home that night....it would be John taking over my dreams. I was obsessed with this belief of John never coming back, and Nathan was all I had. but the more I thought about it, the worse it got....the more I would dwell on the subject of my first true love. John on the other hand at the time I believe could of given a fuck less about me. I would try to talk to him and he would blow me off. Ever since I left him for Nathan, he started acting different, and doing things that I didnt personally approve of. but I finally talked myself into thinking that if he ever wished to talk to me, he would. and he had his new girlfriend to take care of him. but that didnt change the fact that I loved him. So, I decided that if I was going to get anywhere in life, I needed to get rid of the access drama...and Nathan was apart of that drama. I felt as though, in some way, I was cheating on him...and I couldn’t take the slight betrayal of it all on my part. So...I left him...
Nathan didnt take it too soundly, and got REALLY pissed. He soon after sent me a long 5 or 6 paragraph letter explaining to me how a horrible black hearted traitor I was, and how he didnt understand how he devoted thoughs few months on my ass. That I was basically a worthless bitch. I read that damn letter about 2000 times in the hopes of what I was reading was a hoax. There was no way that he thought that stuff about me. I cant tell you how many tears I wasted on that letter. I finally latter cooked up the courage to reply to him, and we didnt talk for months. I didnt do a god damn thing to him that wasnt in his best interest - he on the other hand decided to treat me like crap in the end, and everything I did for him automatically meant absolutely nothing. Does that qualify as being screwed over to you? Or was it just what I deserved.
There are many many many things that I ended up not liking about Nathan, but Im sure if I were to mention these things they would open scars, and me and this person would end up in one of our fights, one of the things I disliked about our relationship. We fought about EVERYTHING....but... Nathan wasn’t all bad. Most of my friends, my current boyfriend especially, think different....but I think I saw a side of Nathan that nobody else was able to touch. I truly did love this guy, and in some deep dark realm of my soul I still care for him. Because, when ever I hear that something is wrong with him, or if anything happened to him, I get right on it. I act as his protector. Whether I should or not, I still dont know, but I do. He has a side that I dont think many people really get the chance to see. I know him so well, it even scares him. I was always the one to feed him advice, and help him when he needed me. I was and am the one who will tell it to him as bluntly as I know how, because tough love is my typically my thing. I give it to you flat and un sugar coated. If you ask, ill tell. Im not the type to want to change a guy. I believe you date a guy for the guy - not the guy you are planning on turning them into being. but thats just me... Nathan on the other hand, would spot things about me that he just hated, and would bitch to me about them, resulting in many of our wonderful arguments. I was always doing SOMETHING he didn’t like at at least one point within the week.
The fact of the matter is, I ended up being more a guardian angel to Nathan, rather then a girlfriend. All of the words he spoke to me that were against me, I learned to look past. Yes....I loved him....but it just wasn’t working. Every time we tried...it didnt work. I do believe we both got something out of the deal, both good and bad. Which is why im not sure if he truly falls under the category of "screwed me over guys"...because in the end, he was just doing what he thought was true at the time....I might just be making excuses for him, i dano... what do ya all think? because the more I think about it, the less I know....
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I feel like a little puppy....
Im finnally getting to talk to John...but...its very off and on. He will talk to me [we're on AIM] and then leave for 30mins....then talk to me again for about 10mins....then leave again for another 30....and all I feel like doing right now is talking to him...so...what do I do? I stare at the screen. I make my little pouty face and sit my chin on my arms crossed on the table my computer is on, and stare at the little bar...waiting for it to blink...
i am so.....sad....
but o well...atleast I get to talk to him some tonight....thats somthing.
i am so.....sad....
but o well...atleast I get to talk to him some tonight....thats somthing.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
A Slight Realization....
He will officially be gone to NC on Tuesday... what the hell am I going to do all summer?
It’s been bad enough to this point, but....I don’t think I have ever missed him this much - before he ever even left. Its kinda frighting....does this mean that I love him more now, then when I did then? I feel as though my husband is leaving for war or something....its pretty ridiculous actually. I mean, Ill be able to talk to him over the phone a couple times a week, and he’s coming home in August, so....no biggy...right?
I just wish, for one summer, even if it was just a couple weeks....that I could just constantly be with him....I just wanna hang out at a park or something, or even just watch a movie at one of our houses, and just kinda sit there in the others presence, just because we could. I love those lazy days, there’re my favorite. Where we just kinda chill, and talk, and just hang out like we always used to before we ever dated. Back when we were the best of friends. When we were around each other so much, and told each other everything, to the point of his neighbors thinking that we were dating.
I miss the old days....back when it was just him - and me. nobody else. No crazy ex boyfriends/girlfriends. No fighting. No bitchy parents to get in our way because one parent didn’t like the other. No drama.... back when everything we did was so insanely innocent that we would be scared to make the slightest move. Back when my heart would skip a beat merely hearing is voice across the hall in school, back when I was in denial that I even liked John Indvick like that. I miss the innocence of it all. I guess everybody can relate some how. I never in my wildest dreams, back when I first met John, would have ever guessed that I would fall head over heels in love with him, much less date him as many times as I have, and for so long.
He has always been my knight in shinning armor.... I just never wanted to see it. I was put under this impression that John would be a phase. I would get over him, and find somebody else. Well, it soon became a pattern of mine to date him...move on to somebody else....but never forget him. Then I would be with my new boyfriend, and right before he would lean in to make a move - Johns face would pop in my head, and I would reminisce on old memories that I thought that I had lost and forgotten about. I became better and better at hiding the fact that I still had strong feelings for John. I even lied to John about it...more then once.... He would ask me how I felt, and I would purposely say that we had no chance at getting back together, because I didn’t want to gain any false hope in ever having him back. I would put on my happy face, and pretend like I was perfectly fine without him, and was happy that he had his own life now with somebody other then me.
and now... three years latter.... I’m practically engaged to him. We have plans, and what we want to do in life - and both of our plans inquires the other. I really don’t know what I would do if I lost him somehow....if maybe he found somebody else that was better then me in some way....or if I hurt him again....like I have in the past. I have changed sooooo much since the day we first met....Im confident that we are both in this for the long run....but I still don’t want that false hope. I don’t want to completely place all my future plans on him just yet. Shit – I’m 17 – I don’t NEED to be “practically engaged”. I just really don’t want to be with anybody else but him. I’ve tried other people… and its just not the same, and not even close to being as good. But, I have a feeling that I wont truly become completely and fully serious with this until we make it an entire year without a huge fight resulting in a bad break-up....which seems to be our pattern. We will last about 5 to 6 months, and something will happen, and we will both slowly crumble.
I pray every day that that will never happen again...I want to be with him...I want him all to myself...I want him so bad that it hurts. I cant function correctly without him with me in some way shape or form. I need him....he is the first guy I have ever relied this much on. I have more trust in him then I let off sometimes. Because…he has seen pieces of me that I never dared to show anybody else. He knows me so well its omniscient. We even finish each others sentences sometimes....
Im gonna miss him this summer.....and im gonna miss him more then any summer ever before.....He will be on my mind constantly....I know this to be true...because two weeks have passed, and we haven’t been allowed much contact, if any at all, and I am constantly thinking of him....he’s always in my head. I wake up in the morning wishing he was there....and sometimes hoping he is...even though I know he isn’t, and won’t be.
Lets face it....im in love....
It’s been bad enough to this point, but....I don’t think I have ever missed him this much - before he ever even left. Its kinda frighting....does this mean that I love him more now, then when I did then? I feel as though my husband is leaving for war or something....its pretty ridiculous actually. I mean, Ill be able to talk to him over the phone a couple times a week, and he’s coming home in August, so....no biggy...right?
I just wish, for one summer, even if it was just a couple weeks....that I could just constantly be with him....I just wanna hang out at a park or something, or even just watch a movie at one of our houses, and just kinda sit there in the others presence, just because we could. I love those lazy days, there’re my favorite. Where we just kinda chill, and talk, and just hang out like we always used to before we ever dated. Back when we were the best of friends. When we were around each other so much, and told each other everything, to the point of his neighbors thinking that we were dating.
I miss the old days....back when it was just him - and me. nobody else. No crazy ex boyfriends/girlfriends. No fighting. No bitchy parents to get in our way because one parent didn’t like the other. No drama.... back when everything we did was so insanely innocent that we would be scared to make the slightest move. Back when my heart would skip a beat merely hearing is voice across the hall in school, back when I was in denial that I even liked John Indvick like that. I miss the innocence of it all. I guess everybody can relate some how. I never in my wildest dreams, back when I first met John, would have ever guessed that I would fall head over heels in love with him, much less date him as many times as I have, and for so long.
He has always been my knight in shinning armor.... I just never wanted to see it. I was put under this impression that John would be a phase. I would get over him, and find somebody else. Well, it soon became a pattern of mine to date him...move on to somebody else....but never forget him. Then I would be with my new boyfriend, and right before he would lean in to make a move - Johns face would pop in my head, and I would reminisce on old memories that I thought that I had lost and forgotten about. I became better and better at hiding the fact that I still had strong feelings for John. I even lied to John about it...more then once.... He would ask me how I felt, and I would purposely say that we had no chance at getting back together, because I didn’t want to gain any false hope in ever having him back. I would put on my happy face, and pretend like I was perfectly fine without him, and was happy that he had his own life now with somebody other then me.
and now... three years latter.... I’m practically engaged to him. We have plans, and what we want to do in life - and both of our plans inquires the other. I really don’t know what I would do if I lost him somehow....if maybe he found somebody else that was better then me in some way....or if I hurt him again....like I have in the past. I have changed sooooo much since the day we first met....Im confident that we are both in this for the long run....but I still don’t want that false hope. I don’t want to completely place all my future plans on him just yet. Shit – I’m 17 – I don’t NEED to be “practically engaged”. I just really don’t want to be with anybody else but him. I’ve tried other people… and its just not the same, and not even close to being as good. But, I have a feeling that I wont truly become completely and fully serious with this until we make it an entire year without a huge fight resulting in a bad break-up....which seems to be our pattern. We will last about 5 to 6 months, and something will happen, and we will both slowly crumble.
I pray every day that that will never happen again...I want to be with him...I want him all to myself...I want him so bad that it hurts. I cant function correctly without him with me in some way shape or form. I need him....he is the first guy I have ever relied this much on. I have more trust in him then I let off sometimes. Because…he has seen pieces of me that I never dared to show anybody else. He knows me so well its omniscient. We even finish each others sentences sometimes....
Im gonna miss him this summer.....and im gonna miss him more then any summer ever before.....He will be on my mind constantly....I know this to be true...because two weeks have passed, and we haven’t been allowed much contact, if any at all, and I am constantly thinking of him....he’s always in my head. I wake up in the morning wishing he was there....and sometimes hoping he is...even though I know he isn’t, and won’t be.
Lets face it....im in love....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
