Is having a 50/50 day...

As you can tell from the title, my day has been so so...

I woke up this morning, and went to church with the folks, nothing bad, it was okay. Then we went to Wal-Mart and I blew some money on some stuff I had been putting off buying for a while. Stilll...okay. Then we get home. My mother has a cow because my dad isnt helping her with the cooking. Then my Dad decides to open his fat mouth and piss her off more. They argue. I'm, as usiual, stuck in the middle of it, and go into my room - wanting nothing to do with either of them, before one pulls me to their side before I can refuse.

So, I go into my room, and start cleaning it up. This is typically what I do when I am trying to get somthing off of my mind, or ignore somthing/someone. I get finnished cleaning my room, and find nothing else that I want to do. So instead of listening to my mother slam the cabnets in the kitchen in fury, I call my boyfriend. We hadnt really talked in a little bit, because he wasnt fdeeling too hott last night, and the night before that we got into a semi argument. So, I thought maybe he would have somthing uplifting to say, and maybe shine some light on the situation as he typically does. We talk for about 3 min.'s. I continue to make random comments, and when I figue out that he isnt going to reply, we sit in silence as I play with the buttons on my remote, ignoreing all of the bad vibes going through my house. I wanted to bawl, but Im starting to get better at stopping it.

Ever since I had my little mental breakdown my Freshmen year, I have been really insanely touchy about allot of things, and would cry easily. My only rule was dont cry infront of people you dont trust to help you out. So I would hold it in untill I could hide in the school bathroom, or into my room to bawl like a two year old who just fell off their bike.

Soooo...anyways...we sit in silence as I keep myself from crying due to my copnstant dwelling on the idea of me and John ending up like that, when he decides to just blow me off. Granted...he probley didnt blow me off...just got sick of the silence, and probley had somthing better & more important to do seeing as hes at his dads...but...the light I was looking for wasnt their, and Im really not the type to beg for help. So...that kinda pulled me down a little more. So I dwell for about 30 minutes till it calms down in the living room, then I go to my computer and fiddle around for a bit.

My Dad then decides to have me go driving for a couple minutes, so we do. and I almost hit a freaking car turning onto another road...yeah...I wasnt feeling too hott...lol! I did okay comming home though. Which brough me more at ease with myself knowing I could do somthing right...even though they decided not to tell me so.

I then fiddle around some more at home, make me a smothie, and called a couple people to figure out who was going to show up at my party this weekend [ its my 17th birthday on sunday ^_^ ] and I get blown off by a couple friends of mine, but it doesnt effect me much. and now im here...typing out this blog to blow time. O well... I supose I shall write to ya all latta. Im gonna go write somthing...I feel like writting....